Encore!

I truly believe the whole nurture/nature debate only exists among the childless/childfree. Once you have a child, it is hard not to realize just how little impact you have on their burgeoning personalities. Basically, as a parent, you have a choice, either to work with or work against what is innately there. It's like the weather. You can put up an umbrella and go puddle jumping when it rains or stand outside without a coat screaming at the clouds to stop while you get drenched. Either way, it is going to rain. Working with your child's natural tendencies can help you to enhance particular strengths, improve upon some weaknesses, and hopefully curb some less desirable traits. Working against those same tendencies can lead them to hide from their strengths, magnify their weaknesses, and bring out the worst in your child. But let's be clear-- the best and worst were there all along.

Every now and again, I am able to see how our parenting has shaped Norah. The day after a throw-down over something seemingly harmless, Norah will clearly repeat whatever it was that we had said to set her off the day before, "I have to share with my friends" or "No touch. It's hot!" and then follows the instructions without a fight. It just goes to show that the little buggers are always listening, even when they are screaming at the top of their lungs. It also goes to show that Norah truly does aim to please... only after she has tested the boundaries.

Above all else, the way we have most affected Norah is by being an appreciative audience. Whenever she does something even remotely funny (purposeful or not), we bust a gut or join in the fun. We tell her how funny she is (to which she responds, "No YOU'RE funny!") and often explain exactly what made us laugh (so that she can apply it in other contexts). We ask her to repeat her actions or words for the other parent if they happened to be out of the room when she did something amazing. This has definitely worked to bring out the performer in her. Some kids couldn't care less if anyone was watching or what they thought, but Norah loves to perform for those with whom she is comfortable. For the most part, this is awesome, but with the good comes the bad.

Norah loves to fake cry. In fact, she will say, out of the blue, "I want to cry." and then start wailing. More than once, we have caught her in the mirror contorting her face to and fro, and adjusting the volume, pitch, and duration of her ululations. Her crocodile tears can be quite convincing and often lure us to her bedroom at night only to be met by tickles and giggles. When she enters one of her mock fits, we often say, "Norah, if you want to cry, you can, but you must go do it in your room." and off she will toddle, throwing herself on her bed or her floor for effect and the wailing will continue until she is satisfied that no one is listening any longer.

As annoying as it can be, it is difficult for me to fault her this. Though I do not remember what I was like when I was two, I do remember my childhood, spent in front of a mirror trying on emotions, rehearsing conversations, and studying my own features. By trying on different emotions and personas in the comfort and privacy of my room, I was able to discover which me I wanted to be. It was cathartic. And in a way, I am pleased that, at least for now, she trusts us enough to be an audience for her self-discovery.